Dear Son #2

It has been almost a month since she broke your heart. Yet when I talked to you yesterday and you said "I'm doing alright." I heard "I'm hurting still". You told me you were lonely and I know it is true. You aren't ready to move on but you can't stand to be alone. I ache for you, my son, as only a mother can.

You've been sleeping on the sofa instead of in your room. You fall asleep watching silly cartoons late at night. You need to keep your mind occupied but most TV shows are about relationships and it reminds you... so you opt for those dopey cartoons and silly shows that you haven't watched in years. You don't want to be alone at night with thoughts of her and what-is in your head.

I loved her, too, you know. I want to be angry at her but I think she did the right thing. Her timing stunk though, didn't it? You were there for her so many times in the last 2 years, never asking much of her. She had told you over and over that she loved you...and you believed it. Much of the anguish comes from knowing that her words were hollow. Will you ever trust again?

I know that you had talked about marriage and she seemed eager to marry you. You both knew that the timing wasn't right, you needed to finish college and figure things out and so did she. I guess she did figure things out. She called me crying, to tell me the "why", and for that I am grateful. It seems shallow, her reasoning, but if she wants more than you can give or are willing to give to her then she has made the right choice. Even though you gave her so much of yourself and your life, your lives are taking different paths and she recognizes this.

You are on the path of maturity and she is just starting into that "Gotta be me" thing that is common with just-turned 21 year olds. She wants to drink and dance and play at life for awhile. The recent divorce of her older friend and mentor didn't help matters did it? She was pulled further away from you when Katie needed a pal to go bar hopping with.

She did love you though. Maybe it wasn't the forever-after kinid of love that you are looking for but it was real. She wasn't ready to be there for you. She needed you to be there for her but she doesn't know how to do that we-can-work-at-this-and-make-it-work thing that makes marriages hold through the tough times. There will always be tough times. It's all about commitment....That staying with it even when it's hard....That riding the roller coaster on the up hills not just on the crazy-fun parts. All relationships advance to the not-always-fun stage if they are worthwhile.

So...you are on the right track in moving on and not waiting to see if she grows tired of the night life. She might... but she might not. You are trying to stay busy and get with old friends and make new ones. It's not easy but you can do it. You will survive this be better for it and stronger and, yes, more cautious with your heart. But have hope! Always there is hope. Life is full of pain and moments of sadness but there is always joy behind it if one looks. Keep looking and know that your Mom and Dad and your brothers and some friends will always be there for you in different ways.

And, of course, I can't let this letter end without reminding you that God has the greatest love for you of all and will never disappoint you even if all of the rest of us do. It doesn't matter that you aren't loving him back. He still loves you and believes in you! He's waiting for you with arms wide open. Please open your heart to him and let him carry your burdens. It will be so very much easier on you when you are able to do this. In the mean time, there are many of us praying for you.

Love always,
Mom