The thunder will not hurt you. (The lightening actually could but I won't let you in on that and the possibility is remote anyway.) You start getting all jittery when there is even alittle rumble in the distance 5 minutes before I can even hear it! Dog, you've got to stop! Window screens are expensive. You have ruined so many window screens that we don't even bother to replace them anymore. We just live with no screens at all on front porch windows. I don't really mind that most of the time...it makes for a quick way to let Cat out. But on those beautiful Spring and Autumn days when there is a nice cool breeze and the hint of the season to come in the air...OH! How I want to open those windows and let the outdoors blow through the house at last in the Spring, or one last time in Autumn.
It doesn't help get you in anyway, Dog, to scratch away at the window and knock all of my flower pots upside down to the deck below. You are a smart dog in other regards...why can't you figure out that windows can't be crawled through and that we cannot let you in if we are not at home.
Come on, Dog, you know when we are at home. You hear our cars coming a mile away and begin the run up the driveay, tail wagging before the rest of us even know there is a car coming at all. See! You are a smart dog! (how do you do that anyway? Know our vehicle from the other many cars that come up that hill?)
Dog, you are old enough to have lived through so many thunderstorms that you must know that you always survive them. You live on 10 acres! There are plenty of lovely hiding spots to get you out of the rain and thunder. Go to the shed, go to the Play House, go to the little barn, go to the dog pen and curl up on a nice bale of hay and enjoy!
Dog! Thunder won't hurt you!
Monday, September 26, 2005
Friday, September 16, 2005
Dear Son #2
It has been almost a month since she broke your heart. Yet when I talked to you yesterday and you said "I'm doing alright." I heard "I'm hurting still". You told me you were lonely and I know it is true. You aren't ready to move on but you can't stand to be alone. I ache for you, my son, as only a mother can.
You've been sleeping on the sofa instead of in your room. You fall asleep watching silly cartoons late at night. You need to keep your mind occupied but most TV shows are about relationships and it reminds you... so you opt for those dopey cartoons and silly shows that you haven't watched in years. You don't want to be alone at night with thoughts of her and what-is in your head.
I loved her, too, you know. I want to be angry at her but I think she did the right thing. Her timing stunk though, didn't it? You were there for her so many times in the last 2 years, never asking much of her. She had told you over and over that she loved you...and you believed it. Much of the anguish comes from knowing that her words were hollow. Will you ever trust again?
I know that you had talked about marriage and she seemed eager to marry you. You both knew that the timing wasn't right, you needed to finish college and figure things out and so did she. I guess she did figure things out. She called me crying, to tell me the "why", and for that I am grateful. It seems shallow, her reasoning, but if she wants more than you can give or are willing to give to her then she has made the right choice. Even though you gave her so much of yourself and your life, your lives are taking different paths and she recognizes this.
You are on the path of maturity and she is just starting into that "Gotta be me" thing that is common with just-turned 21 year olds. She wants to drink and dance and play at life for awhile. The recent divorce of her older friend and mentor didn't help matters did it? She was pulled further away from you when Katie needed a pal to go bar hopping with.
She did love you though. Maybe it wasn't the forever-after kinid of love that you are looking for but it was real. She wasn't ready to be there for you. She needed you to be there for her but she doesn't know how to do that we-can-work-at-this-and-make-it-work thing that makes marriages hold through the tough times. There will always be tough times. It's all about commitment....That staying with it even when it's hard....That riding the roller coaster on the up hills not just on the crazy-fun parts. All relationships advance to the not-always-fun stage if they are worthwhile.
So...you are on the right track in moving on and not waiting to see if she grows tired of the night life. She might... but she might not. You are trying to stay busy and get with old friends and make new ones. It's not easy but you can do it. You will survive this be better for it and stronger and, yes, more cautious with your heart. But have hope! Always there is hope. Life is full of pain and moments of sadness but there is always joy behind it if one looks. Keep looking and know that your Mom and Dad and your brothers and some friends will always be there for you in different ways.
And, of course, I can't let this letter end without reminding you that God has the greatest love for you of all and will never disappoint you even if all of the rest of us do. It doesn't matter that you aren't loving him back. He still loves you and believes in you! He's waiting for you with arms wide open. Please open your heart to him and let him carry your burdens. It will be so very much easier on you when you are able to do this. In the mean time, there are many of us praying for you.
Love always,
Mom
You've been sleeping on the sofa instead of in your room. You fall asleep watching silly cartoons late at night. You need to keep your mind occupied but most TV shows are about relationships and it reminds you... so you opt for those dopey cartoons and silly shows that you haven't watched in years. You don't want to be alone at night with thoughts of her and what-is in your head.
I loved her, too, you know. I want to be angry at her but I think she did the right thing. Her timing stunk though, didn't it? You were there for her so many times in the last 2 years, never asking much of her. She had told you over and over that she loved you...and you believed it. Much of the anguish comes from knowing that her words were hollow. Will you ever trust again?
I know that you had talked about marriage and she seemed eager to marry you. You both knew that the timing wasn't right, you needed to finish college and figure things out and so did she. I guess she did figure things out. She called me crying, to tell me the "why", and for that I am grateful. It seems shallow, her reasoning, but if she wants more than you can give or are willing to give to her then she has made the right choice. Even though you gave her so much of yourself and your life, your lives are taking different paths and she recognizes this.
You are on the path of maturity and she is just starting into that "Gotta be me" thing that is common with just-turned 21 year olds. She wants to drink and dance and play at life for awhile. The recent divorce of her older friend and mentor didn't help matters did it? She was pulled further away from you when Katie needed a pal to go bar hopping with.
She did love you though. Maybe it wasn't the forever-after kinid of love that you are looking for but it was real. She wasn't ready to be there for you. She needed you to be there for her but she doesn't know how to do that we-can-work-at-this-and-make-it-work thing that makes marriages hold through the tough times. There will always be tough times. It's all about commitment....That staying with it even when it's hard....That riding the roller coaster on the up hills not just on the crazy-fun parts. All relationships advance to the not-always-fun stage if they are worthwhile.
So...you are on the right track in moving on and not waiting to see if she grows tired of the night life. She might... but she might not. You are trying to stay busy and get with old friends and make new ones. It's not easy but you can do it. You will survive this be better for it and stronger and, yes, more cautious with your heart. But have hope! Always there is hope. Life is full of pain and moments of sadness but there is always joy behind it if one looks. Keep looking and know that your Mom and Dad and your brothers and some friends will always be there for you in different ways.
And, of course, I can't let this letter end without reminding you that God has the greatest love for you of all and will never disappoint you even if all of the rest of us do. It doesn't matter that you aren't loving him back. He still loves you and believes in you! He's waiting for you with arms wide open. Please open your heart to him and let him carry your burdens. It will be so very much easier on you when you are able to do this. In the mean time, there are many of us praying for you.
Love always,
Mom
Saturday, September 10, 2005
Dear Marine
It's September here in Missouri, still hot but with a hint of Autumn in the air today. I walked out to get the mail this afternoon and couldn't resist the hammock in the shade of the peach tree on the trip back to the house. I laid across it, just for a few minutes, as I sorted through today's bills and flyers. There was a sweet thank you note from a friend who had left for college for the first time only 3 weeks ago. I recognized her big round letters and smiled before I even opened it, knowing that the small package I had sent had brought a tiny moment of joy into her exciting, new and homesick world. Then my thoughts turned to you, my faraway friend.
I remember the first time you went off to Iraq. You had no idea what to expect. I barely knew you then except through your mom. She was so upset when you enlisted but she also recognized that you had been having difficulty finding your place in life and prayed that the Marines would fill the hunger in you. You were so young and fresh and eager then.
I talked to your mom for a long time the other night. She didn't cry this time. You have just deployed for your third tour of Iraq. The fear inside her still fills her up for she, too, has lost her innocence. But she has had to learn to trust you and your instincts and your comrades... and God. There were times when I didn't think she would survive Iraq but she is a survivor. You get that from her.
As I lay in the hammock with that hint of late summer in the air...a few lone cicadas buzzing their constant circular song with a gentle breeze rustling the pages in my lap, I remember that you are over there. I send up a silent prayer, as I do every time you cross my mind, and wonder how you are faring. Your mom told me how, when you phoned last week, you told her about the new guys who jumped at the sound of mortars each time and were astounded at you guys who never even flinched. She chuckled.
Once upon a time the mortars frightened you something awful but you learned that most of them don't hit anyone. One time one hit right near you and your buddy and you never even blinked, you'd become so accustomed to them and perhaps to death, too, by then. But then you realized after that your hands were shaking. Yes, Marine, you are still alive, amazingly and gratefully, still alive.
So, you are probably one of the old men in your platoon this time, at 22 isn't it? Respected for your battle scars perhaps, even though they can't be seen. Are you able to sleep yet, friend? Do the nightmares still come? Can you put them aside and rest? Can you be a leader and a role model to these young men that look up to you and teach them the battle skills that they will need to survive the horror you will see out there?
The weight is heavy. I know that most of your buddies didn't survive the 2nd tour. I know that some of those that did are out now and that it was hard for you to see them escape, even as you rejoiced for them. I know that the memories haunt you. But I also know how strong you have become and how beautiful you still are. When you get through this next journey you will have learned some things that some people, most people, never know.
You will know how to rejoice in every day and in every person around you for you know how fragile life is. You won't take anything or anyone for granted the way the rest of us often do. You will have learned that human beings are capable of things that we can't imagine, both great and horrible. You will know that one can survive anything as long as there is hope. You will learn to hope again. You will learn to push aside the most awful of things your memory tries to show you but you will retain it in the back your mind to make you into a kinder more aware person. You will have learned to trust God in all things and give your burdens to him.
It was a beautiful day here. My prayer for you today is that you find a small piece of beauty there and share it with someone else.
Go with God.
I remember the first time you went off to Iraq. You had no idea what to expect. I barely knew you then except through your mom. She was so upset when you enlisted but she also recognized that you had been having difficulty finding your place in life and prayed that the Marines would fill the hunger in you. You were so young and fresh and eager then.
I talked to your mom for a long time the other night. She didn't cry this time. You have just deployed for your third tour of Iraq. The fear inside her still fills her up for she, too, has lost her innocence. But she has had to learn to trust you and your instincts and your comrades... and God. There were times when I didn't think she would survive Iraq but she is a survivor. You get that from her.
As I lay in the hammock with that hint of late summer in the air...a few lone cicadas buzzing their constant circular song with a gentle breeze rustling the pages in my lap, I remember that you are over there. I send up a silent prayer, as I do every time you cross my mind, and wonder how you are faring. Your mom told me how, when you phoned last week, you told her about the new guys who jumped at the sound of mortars each time and were astounded at you guys who never even flinched. She chuckled.
Once upon a time the mortars frightened you something awful but you learned that most of them don't hit anyone. One time one hit right near you and your buddy and you never even blinked, you'd become so accustomed to them and perhaps to death, too, by then. But then you realized after that your hands were shaking. Yes, Marine, you are still alive, amazingly and gratefully, still alive.
So, you are probably one of the old men in your platoon this time, at 22 isn't it? Respected for your battle scars perhaps, even though they can't be seen. Are you able to sleep yet, friend? Do the nightmares still come? Can you put them aside and rest? Can you be a leader and a role model to these young men that look up to you and teach them the battle skills that they will need to survive the horror you will see out there?
The weight is heavy. I know that most of your buddies didn't survive the 2nd tour. I know that some of those that did are out now and that it was hard for you to see them escape, even as you rejoiced for them. I know that the memories haunt you. But I also know how strong you have become and how beautiful you still are. When you get through this next journey you will have learned some things that some people, most people, never know.
You will know how to rejoice in every day and in every person around you for you know how fragile life is. You won't take anything or anyone for granted the way the rest of us often do. You will have learned that human beings are capable of things that we can't imagine, both great and horrible. You will know that one can survive anything as long as there is hope. You will learn to hope again. You will learn to push aside the most awful of things your memory tries to show you but you will retain it in the back your mind to make you into a kinder more aware person. You will have learned to trust God in all things and give your burdens to him.
It was a beautiful day here. My prayer for you today is that you find a small piece of beauty there and share it with someone else.
Go with God.
Friday, September 09, 2005
Dear World
You seem to be spinning out of control. Why we humans aren't flying off of you like the drops of water off of a wet dog as he shakes is amazing to me. We, people in general, deserve to be spun off. Flicked away like a nuisance fly or swatted like a blood-sucking mosquito that is sucking the life out of you. Why do we take from you and take from you and not take care of you? And yet, Dear Earth, you hold us tenderly as if we are a beautiful butterfly. You must surely recognize that as individuals we are often good and kind yet weak and perhaps innocent in our thoughtlessness. Are you trying to wake us up?
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
