Dear Angry Parent

You called and wanted to talk to the Lunch Lady...okay, I do the lunches, I admitted with cheer in my voice. I get so many calls at the end of the school year with questions about the kids' lunch money accounts. I welcome the opportunity to explain to parents because at this time of year I am required to be very strict about letting kids eat when there is no money in their accounts.

Your attack began.

• Why hadn't I taken your son's dollar in the lunch line? (I can't take $ in the line-they have accts... they are suppposed to turn it into the office... a dollar wouldn't have dug him out... I'd already let him eat into the hole... he knows all this, he's in Jr. High, for pity's sake)
  
• Why had I sent him to get a free PB&J sandwhich? He doesn't like PB&J? (we do this as a favor to the kid so they won't go hungry just because their parents won't pay for their lunch... he's in Jr. Hi and knows how it works... he's told every day when he gets below $5, so he knew at least 4 days in advance that he was out... it's in the bulletin every morning that they will get PBJ if they are out of money)
  

• Why didn't I let your daughter eat when I let the kid ahead of her eat with no $? (didn't happen... he may have had some $ but not enough to cover the full lunch, in which case I would have told him he could eat... she could not know the circumstances of the boy ahead of her-it's private- could she must have misunderstood)... in the elementary school she has gotten a letter every day for the past week letting you know exactly how much money is left in her account, explaining that we no longer let them go 3 lunches in the hole at this time of year, informing you that PB&J will be available for kids with no $. EVERY DAY I do this even though it's a huge pain, because I don't want the kids to run out of $!)

You gave me no chance to explain, no opportunity to defend. Every time I tried to get a few words out you interrupted me and said you didn't want to hear it because YOUR KID SAID this and that. I wondered if you even know anything about kids. Do you know how their point of few is sometimes skewed? ... and how they don't always have all the info needed to understand? ... and how they don't always tell us everything... and how they sometimes say things, exaggerate or leave pertinent facts, to get out of trouble?

• You informed me that you have been mad all year about this stuff and I wondered why you waited until you were crazy-mad to call instead of earlier if you had questions. I wondered why you haven't signed up for Free or Reduced meals if you have difficulty getting your kids lunches paid for. That is why we have that program. I did not tell you any of this...couldn't have even if I wanted to.

• You said you wanted me to treat every kid the same and not favor your son over your daughter(???!!! what the heck? The only reason your daughter hasn't had to eat PBJ like your son has, is because when she gets 3 lunches in the hole you usually come up with the money but when your son runs out you just let him not eat. I can show you their lunch histories if you'd like to see them. Funny, I always thought it was you who favored her..still do, by the way.) Your kids have been in the hole most of the year. I feel sorry for them, I'm not trying to be mean to them. I think it is sad the way you pass the buck on your parental responsibilities and try to make it all about me. Does it ease your guilt?

By now I was fuming and doing everything I could to control my voice and keep it calm. But I admit I was ticked off! I finally squeezed it out, when you finally came up for air between tirades, that if you preferred I could just always turn them down and never cut them a break, and never let them go into the hole ever at all. I shouldn't have said it.

I didn't say these truths: that your kids are lying... that your son has been in the hole most of the year... that you could prevent your kids' difficulties by keeping money in their accounts like most other parents. I didn't ask if you'd send your kids to McDonalds with no $ and expect them to be given a meal...or a PB&J.

You were blowing up and I gave up trying to explain and it got worse and worse as I sat silently listening to you attack me and repeat what your saintly children had told you. You seemed to think of more and more things that were unjust as you yelled and it escalated to a fever pitch. You told me you usually weren't home but were was off today (ah...there it is! you only care about his kids' problems when it is convenient for you) so you threatened that you could just come right on over to the school this very minute! I didn't say "Bring it!" although by now my tongue was almost bleeding from all that I did not say. I wished you would come flying in so my boss could get in on this and see what an idiot you are and I could be free of it. I am not paid enough to take this kind of abuse for doing what I am required to do.

You continued ripping on me and threatening to come over to the school and I offered to let you speak to the principal... only I didn't get the words all out, of course, because you were still cutting me off and perhaps wanted me think it was your idea to talk to my boss.

I'd tell you more but I have to go get stitches in my tongue.

Dear Mourning Friend,

I hurt for you today. I have seen you go through so much as she wrestled with death. I have seen you cope with it all gracefully and with incredible strength of spirit. I admire you so much. You never gave in to self-pity even when the caretaking began to take a toll on your own health. You stayed.

I saw you trying to help her; get her to eat, get her medications right, get her up when she requested it. I wondered why. I asked what would happen if she didn't eat and you explained that her blood sugar was already haywire and she could die. And we both realized at the same time that she already was dying. But you couldn't stop helping her, loving her, even when she wasn't "her" anymore.

I listened as you told me the stories of what she said and how she didn't remember anything and said crazy things that would be funny if she wasn't out of her head..if she wasn't dying. I listened when you told of the impossible demands she made and the ungrateful and mean things she said. But you know that wasn't her speaking you were able to remember the love she had shown you so many times over the years. You were able to remember how well she loved her grandchildren and how well she cared for them.

You didn't give up on her in the end, even through the frustration and the agony. You were still able to treat her with the respect that she deserved...that she had earned.

And I think of 1 Corinthians 15:55 "Where, O death, is your victory? Where, O death, is your sting?" I pray that the pain that all of you have endured over these last months is vanquished with her death and the realization that her suffering is over and she is, at last, at peace and in the arms of our heavenly father.

God bless you, my friend.

Dear Children

Hey kids, what are you thinking? The cooks at school did such a nice thing for you this week in honor of National School Lunches Week. The Head Cook went to al lot of trouble and some expense to plan these fun activities for you and you were sooooo ungrateful. It was shameful!

Each day a cook would stand at the lunch line and hand you a bill of fake money to be reimbursed with a toy from her "store" at the end of the week. At first you were confused but happy, then when you noticed that some kids were getting $20 and some got $5. That's when the complaints started. By day 3 the cooks were dreading the handing out phase since every kid that came through and got that $1 was not grateful but instead complained.

By the end of the week every child had at least at $5 toy that he had chosen but the jopy that is usually accompanied with giving was lost and the gratitude that is usually felt when gifted was also lost. What has happened to make us feel so entitled to good stuff. What makes us think that we should have what everyone else has?

How very, very sad.